Adventures in the Dominican Republic

So it is day 2 in the Dominican Republic! Today i woke up at about 10:00 we were in the town of Jarabacoa. We stayed with a sister named Nicole who was house sitting for a couple.THe house was really nice it had three bedrooms and two bathrooms.So we got up and went to the town it's a nice mix of griminess and beauty. we went to eat at a restaurant where they served mangoo(which was smashed green boiled plantains) a great potato salad( russa), roasted chicken and eggplant and a papaya milkshake. It was so good. THen we looked around the town and then drove back home took a nap and then got ready for the meeting.

Yesterday was the best day because we met up with nicole and then we went hiking in Jarabacoa to see this amazing waterfall which they used in the movie Jurassic Park.The beginning of the hike was so steep and i had a rough time starting out but then the ground kind of leveled out and it was a it easier. the waterfalls were beautiful and the water was really cold. But it was great! so after the hike we went back to nicoles place and took showers and talked and ate. Roscio made hot chocolate from scratch. Which was also great. Oh yeah when we were at the beach there was another group of people there and they were grilling up some food. So the lady walks over and offers us some pork and rice and beans. That pork was delicious.

Tomorrow is service in the field and hopefully we can go to the beach!

desperate times, desperate situations

Well the other day i woke up and i had to use the bathroom really bad. So i get up to go to the bathroom only to find that my roommate is in the shower. I had to go urgently, so i weighed my options. 1. Ask Grace to get out of the shower so i could use the bathroom. For some reason i felt like this was too much of a hassle for her.
2.Just go in there and use the toilet. This would not only be awkward for Grace but also me. Our shower curtain is clear. 3. I could just forget going to the bathroom and just find something to pee in. I chose option 3. So i found a bottle and took care of business. But while i was using the bottle i thought this doesn't make much sense. I am peeing in a bottle in my own place. I have peed in some weird places, the back seat of a car, a crowd of people at a music festival, but i never thought i would be doing it in a bottle in my room. I think i am strange.

the saga continues

Well here is the Paul update. So last week a friend of mine told me that he texted her, they went out in service, he was really chatty, and he asked her about her writing and he read her stuff. So i immediately felt hurt that he had taken an interest in her and made plans with her. So i was not looking forward to going out in service with him on Wednesday. I just thought it would be awkward.

So we go out Wednesday and it wasn't bad at all. It was just easy. Well Saturday i went to Bethel for the Gilead Graduation which was amazing. The talks were great and the experiences were great also. So after the Graduation i went to a couple's room at bethel and the sister started talking about Paul and how he's homesick and how it's really hard for temp workers at bethel to make friends. So i felt bad for him so i texted him to see what he was up to and he said he was going to the Guggenheim and he asked me if i wanted to go. So i said yah so we went with a friend of his and we had a good time. Checked out some art, we ended up in chinatown for dinner and we walked the brooklyn bridge and then went back to his friends room for ice cream and drinks.

So while we are on the train he tells me that he went out in service with my friend chermelle and that he read some of her articles and he says, "she can really talk." The way he said it made it seem like it really wasn't a big deal. So i felt better about the whole thing. He didn't have to tell me any of that. I just feel comfortable around him, i feel like i can tell him anything and that he doesn't judge me. No matter what happens i consider him a good friend.

Period!

Thursday i go to work and i am seeing my first patient and then all of a sudden i feel like i just peed on myself and i am like man i am having a bladder problem.So after i finish my patient i stand up and realize oh wait! that's not pee that's blood! So i immediately ask the girls if there are tampons in the office. Thank goodness there were. So i turn around and ask the girls do they see anything. One of the girls immediately gasps and looks at me. I had bled thru my scrubs! so i hurry up and go to the bathroom. one of the girls always has extra scrubs so she let me borrow some. I can't remember the last time that happened to me. I hate periods!

Moistey!

Can i just say that one of my pet peeves is when people talk during a movie. That really burns me up. So over the weekend i went to Darren's house with debi,uriel, cara, and JASON MOYSEY a.k.a. JASON MOISTEY. HE is such an irritant. I have tried and tried to like him as a person and i just can't do it. He says the dumbest things and he thinks he knows everything and that's what i find so dang irritating. So we were watching a great movie and he is just talking about how bad the movie is and i just wanted to jump up off that couch, grab him by the neck, and just choke him.

Dazed and Confused

Well, I don't know what to say. I come back from Mississippi and go to my friend Chermelle's house for movie night. So she says to me," Your old buddy Paul texted me and asked me to go out in service with him. He talked the whole time. He asked her about her writing and he read what she had written." So i was trying to play it cool with Chermelle so i was just like, "Wow he probably likes you Chermelle." So she's like no he doesn't so she says you should say something. So i tell her i am not saying anything because this is what will happen, i will be completely open about how i like him and then he will say i only like you as a friend and then kia looks like an idiot. So after that conversation with Chermelle, i just felt angry,hurt, and a little blindsided. I automatically start to second guess everything and to think maybe everything was in my head and that i am totally incapable of reading guys. Bottom line- My feelings are hurt. Hurt by a short, skinny, pale, thirty-three old who bounces when he walks. Maybe he just viewed me as a friend all along. I just feel really confused and retarded. I really do not understand guys at all and i never will. The best thing for me to do is to just not get excited about them or care about them at all because i really do feel it is a waste of my time and energy. I really just end up feeling worse about myself. So i asked Chermelle about going out in service tomorrow evening.She says it will be me you and Paul. So i am thinking,"Great,this isn't going to be awkward or anything!" So i asked Whitney to come also, so we will see what happens. My first thought was just to ignore his existence, but i will just act like nothing has happened and try to be cool about the whole thing.

Am i going crazy!

Just a few minutes ago i realized that i lost my debit card. I used an atm machine at the bank and i just realized that i didn't get my card back. I hope no one has stolen it. Then i was touching the back of my hair and a small chunk of hair came out. I have been feeling sick today, nauseous, and i have been feeling a little light-headed for at least a couple of weeks now. I need to go to the doctor. I feel like something might be wrong with me. I feel like i am on the verge of a emotional breakdown. I want to go home.

Exercise

Monday morning i woke up in a bad mood. i got dressed for service and then changed my mind and decided to stay home. My skin was horrible i had a huge zit, i had my period and i just felt ugly and a bit depressed. SO i stayed home and slept for about 2 hrs. and then i felt better. I decided to go exercise. So i went with Whitney to her Pilates studio. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and then i did pilates on the machine. Whitney almost killed me it was not easy but i felt great afterward. THen we went for sushi and i made brownies. The day turned out to be pretty good in the end. I have just decided that i have got to start eating better and exercising. It just puts you in such a better mood.

I LOVE BROOKLYN

I am falling in love with Brooklyn. I love that it has a great neighborhood feel. Everything you need is in the neighborhood. I think i would be fine if i never had to go to Manhattan. There are so many restaurants and bars to check out. The park is right there. It is a great place to live.

The guy update

Here is the Paul update. I like him so far. i like that he's kind of shy and that he will say something funny with a straight face, i like that at the meetings that he talks to Fernando who is the only young kid in our hall and that he talks to Lula who a lot of time gets overlooked. The other day he said that he felt kind of useless in the hall but the fact that he shows personal interest in the friends means so much more than how many assignments he has.I think he really is a good person. He seems like the type that really thinks things thru and doesn't make rash decisions.He definitely thinks before he speaks and i trust what he says.So i don't really talk to him at the meetings. One reason is because i don't want people to think something is going on between us.It's kind of nice having a secret. A couple of weeks ago he did come up and say hello. So the next meeting i went up to him and talked for a few minutes. But during the conversation he looks around at the stage and says i don't want to miss the meeting for service. So i kind of took that as a blow - off. So i was pretty irritated after that. So Thursday at the meeting we don't talk even though we are only a few feet from each other. So later that night i text him and invite him over sunday for brunch and a movie. Well he texts back that he would love to come but he has to go upstate to visit his family. So i say that's too bad because we were going to rent rated r movies and smoke pot. So he says so it's a normal sunday afternoon then! So i told him that the next invite is on him and that was the end of the conversation.

The next morning he texts me and asks if i like jazz and would i be interested in going to listen to some that night. SO i said sure. So i went to his room after work and met his roommate who seems just like a big nerd. He starts speaking Japanese out of nowhere and Paul and I are like WHAT?! He's just a weirdo.

So then we meet up with Paul's friend Marion who i actually know because of my brother. My brother hates him, by the way. So we go in his car to this place called Garage, which is a bar/ music spot/ restaurant. It was nice. So Paul buys me a drink and i start talking about how i was supposed to go to a movie with Whitney and Tassy but i cancelled. So he says I am glad you came. Which was nice. So somehow we end up talking about older women and younger men. So i ask him what is the oldest that he would date and he says i can't answer that. So of course i ask why and he says because that leads to other questions. So i ask again and add that i won't ask anything else, just what's the oldest. So he answers 22, because i can mold them into what i want them to be. Which i thought was kind of funny. So in the car he is telling his friend that i like art and culture, which wasn't really a big deal but i thought it was kind of nice.

I find this whole thing frustrating and exciting. It is nice to have a crush on someone but at the same time it's frustrating because i don't know what he's thinking about the whole thing. I don't know if the whole dating conversation is even going to happen. He might just leave in october and not say a word. If that happens i will be dissapointed ( i think, unless i decide i don't like him).But if the dating conversation does happen, i think i will be nervous and a bit unsure about the whole thing.

I did think it was nice that thursday i told him that the next invite was on him and Friday he had something planned, especially since he had to leave early saturday morning to go upstate.

Going Home!

It turns out that i won't be working for the next three weeks. Which on the one hand is great on the other hand it means i will be broke for a while. So i have decided to go home for a week and i am pretty excited about it. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and catching up. Sleeping in my old bed will be nice.Going out in service in Spanish.I am looking forward to good times in good ol' Mississippi!

A Dead Bird!

Friday- Whitney, Hanson, and i went to the beach in long island.The weather was great. Hanson made sandwiches for us and not just any sandwich, it was mozarella with pesto,sun-dried tomatoes, and prosciutto. Did i eat the prosciutto? Heck yah! So i am sitting there in my beach chair reading a book when all of a sudden i notice a couple of seagulls coming my way. I noticed that they were flying pretty low. Well i kind of turn my head and close my eyes and the next think i know, i feel something hit me in the leg! I look down and it's a DEAD BIRD! It hit me in the leg and then bounced off and hit the beach blanket. What's worse is that it was cut open so i had remnants of dead bird on my leg and on my book. I started screaming, people were looking, i yell Whitney's name and stand there in horror. So whitney says run to the water and wash it off. So i high tail it to the water to get the bird funk off! I couldn't believe what had just happened. After the beach we went to this outside seafood shack. It was so good. Then we came home.

What a productive day!

So i am a really lazy person. My plan for today was to go out in service. So i woke up at 8 and then decided to not go out and i watched a couple movies had some cereal ate some cake and basically i have remained in a laying down position all day. All i want to do is eat fatty foods and just stay in my room all day. I am also drinking too much alcohol.I'm not getting drunk or anything but out of the 8 days i probably have had a drink 7 of those days. I am just going to get a beer gut and have really bad cholesterol and then because of eating so much bad food i am going to start to stink. I can see it now.

This crazy week!

Monday whitney and i did service and then we decided to get our nails done and then we went shopping and i bought a jacket. I just decided to splurge a little bit. Later on Stephanie came and we hung out. THat night we went to see Colin Smith the irish singer songwriter who is amazing. The next day we slept in and had a late breakfast and we went to see 500 Days of Summer which i love. THere are so many highs and lows with relationships, sometimes you have no idea how the other person feels about you or the relationship. Anyway, it's just a great movie. So Stephanie left later on that day. So Wednesday morning i get a call from my job saying that they don't want me to work on Thursday. Which makes the second week in a row that i haven't worked. I was so irritated. Fortunately the night before i had sent out some resumes and i got a call an hour later for an interview. It went pretty well, so monday i am going to observe and then tuesday and wednesday i will be working. I am not super crazy about the dentist but i can deal until something better comes along. I also have a meeting with a temp agency next friday so at least i have some options.

THis week has been the worst one yet in this city and i have been here two months. SO i guess i can't really complain that much.

Guys make me sick!

There's this guy named Paul, in my hall, who likes to play ball, he's not very tall,he hangs out at the mall..i'm sorry i just couldn't help myself.Anyway, he is from england and he is a bethelite in london but he's here until october working at bethel. He works in the treasury dept.He's an accountant.So when he first came i really didn't pay any attention to him i just thought, "He's probably just a stiff boring Brit!" SO i talked to him a few times at the hall. He was nice enough. Then one sunday after the meeting i went out in service and i ended up working with him and it was really nice, he's just easy to talk to. He's kind of quiet which i like and i like his sense of humor. He's reserved and calm. So at the meeting on thursday he asked me if i had plans for the weekend. I said no but he had a barbeque to go to and also he had to give a talk in the Albanian congregation. He says lets do something the next weekend.


So Sunday evening i ended up hanging out wit him at Christina's house. He was just really nice and offered to walk me home. So the following Tuesday he sends me a text message asking if i was interested in going on a road trip to D.C. So i ended up calling him and we discussed it he hadn't planned it out or anything but he wanted to know if i was interested. So i said heck yah! i was excited. I told him me and some others were going to be at bethel on friday. So he asked if he could eat lunch with me. Which was no problem. So the next day he said he would just go to d.c. with a friend of his and maybe we could go to the beach. So i said the beach was fine, even though i was not looking forward to being in a bathing suit. So the next day he says i think the weather is going to be bad so let's do some culture instead.So i said how about we go see the Francis Bacon exhibit at the MET. So christina, me and whitney all went.

So we went to the MEt and then went to dinner and to his room in 90 Sands. So the day was fun. But he just seemed like more of a boy than an actual man and he wasn't a take charge person. I had to make all the plans. So by the end of the night i wasn't as enthused.So Sunday at the meeting he didn't say a word to me and also at the Harrison's house he didn't say a word either. So later that night he sent me a text saying,"sorry i didn't have much of a chance to talk to you today. Hope you have fun at the harrisons, Have a good week" So i replied," Don't worry about it.I don't want you to feel awkward or anything. I told him to have a good week also.

SO basically i got dissed, kicked to the curb! Which at first hurt my pride, then i found it comical, and now i am just insulted. I don't understand him. How do you go from asking someone on a road trip to not talking to them at all. He is rediculous, short, and his street clothes are awful!

I think debi summed it up best when she said he probably masturbates and has a small penis!

Superpower!

Can i just say that i really like Chermelle. She is nice, confident, free-spirited and just a very cool girl. So thursday she invited me to go to this show after the meeting. We went to see this group called Superpower. It was about 6 or 7 guys. A saxophonist,keyboardist(this asian guy who was hot!)drummer,base guitar player and a guy that played the bongos and they didn't sing they just played and it was great! everyone was dancing. I want to see them again.

Brooklyn

So one of my favorite things to do after the meeting on thursday is to go out to a restaurant and have a glass of wine and just sit and talk with whitney or whoever decides to come. It's just relaxing. I really do love my neighborhood. There are just so many restaurants and bars to check out. I love Brooklyn.

Dance, Dance

Being in this city is a bit frustrating when it comes to guys because you see all these cool looking attractive guys on the street and you just think,"wow, i wonder what you're about?" But you don't meet witness guys with edge! Not a hey, i could be difellowshiped at any time edge, but just a guy who has cool style, just....swagger!

Not that i want to date anybody right now, i am not ready for that but it would be nice to know that they are out there. But i am really open to just meeting people and having a social circle. Whitney, Chermelle, and i are planning a dance party in october.I am excited. at first we thought about having a Michael Jackson themed party but since that might be offensive to some we are just going to have a dance party.

500 days of summer

Yesterday i hung out with Chermelle and we went to this good vegetarian spot in the city and then we went to see this movie 500 days of summer. It's only playing in a few theaters. ONly three in the city. It was about this couple and it's kind of like a role reversal because usually it's the girl that gives everything to a relationship and just completely falls for someone. In this case it's the guy and how he deals with the breakdown of their relationship. It was great, cinematography great. I want to see it again. I could see myself in her a bit. That whole attitude of you know let's not take this seriously and let's not label what this is, blah, blah, blah.This probably doesn't make any sense but when she said those things i just thought how selfish and rediculous.So maybe i have made progress because i used to think the same way. I love independent movies.

I am so hot! ( as in the opposite of cold)

I am sitting in my apartment right now and i have the air conditioning on but i am burning up! Today has been a long day. It started out with service. Which was good, chermelle and i worked together. I like chermelle, she is just easy. Then i met grace and some other sisters and we went to the Met to do the bible tour. it was great but it was long and after a while my back started hurting and i got really tired. So the brother who did the tour is Chris Miller. He had a couple talks at the convention and they were excellent. He is funny, he has all these one liners. HE was talking about the Egyptians and how if you carried a staff that meant you had a important job or position. So when someone died they buried the staff with them. SO he says,"Before they would put the staff in the tomb they would disinfect it because they wanted to prevent a staff-infection!" He had a bunch of those and i laughed everytime. He was like,"Guys, this is in the notes, i would never tell jokes this corny!" So he is this single bethelite, well he is dating someone, he isn't physically attractive, not ugly but you know. BUt his personality is attractive. He gave a great tour. SO i was at the museum about five hours. So now i am at home and totally exhausted.

GOOD TIMES!

Debi is flying in tonight.WOOOHOOO! Let the good times begin! I want to go out every single night!

I DECLARE!

So yesterday Whitney asks me if i want to go to Bryant Park to watch a movie.( they have movies in the park on monday nights) She says there are some brothers from Australia that will be there.( My ears suddenly pirk up.) So i was like yah, why not. So in my thirty years of life i have learned to not get excited at the prospect of meeting new guys. It's always disappointing. They were nice guys, but young and there was no edge or anything exciting about them. So we went to the park and then some other people showed up and they were all nice. The movie wasn't that great but it was just neat to look around and see all these people on blankets just relaxing and watching a movie in the park.SO at the end of the night one of the girls found out that her car had been towed. I met Whitney's roommate Tassy who is really nice. I am glad she lives in the same building as me.

SO i am going to make a bold statement. FROM NOW ON, KIA DOES NOT CARE ABOUT MEETING NEW MALES, IT WILL ALWAYS BE A DISAPPOINTMENT!

Convention- This post does contain spoilers

I went to the convention in alabama over the weekend. It was a great convention. I really enjoyed Friday afternoon. It's so cool that we are getting new songs. I almost started crying when they played the new ones with the chorus. I also enjoyed the symposiums too. My brother was in the drama and he did a great job, the whole cast did a great job. I have got to do better with personal study and more meaningful prayers. The end is so near. It's time to get serious.

Colin, Colin

So Chloe, Carmine, and me went to see this Irish guy named Colin. They have known him a long time. They see him play all the time. So he plays acoustic guitar, has a great accent and is definitely attractive. So we end up sitting in the front which is just kind of awkward because i am right there in his face. So he asked me what my name was and then he said some things which i won't repeat( he curses like a sailor) but he is really talented! He did some radiohead, jeff buckley, just everyone. So he says to Chloe," What's it time for?" So she looked puzzled and then he said,"More Black Stuff!" Then he made some James Brown grunts, it was funny. So he starts singing songs by black artists.So afterward i said,"I enjoyed your show." Then he gives me a hug and says thanks and then he says,"I like your hair" and then he starts touching it and i was like, "Oh my god, i am totally in love with you!" I didn't tell him that though, i was thinking it of course.But it was fun.

Rain, Cut it out!

It has rained 17 of the last 21 days! Everyday it's overcast. This weather is so weird I got an antenna today so i actually have a tv that i can watch now! i am so excited.

Tonight i am going to the village to see a band with chloe and carmine(?) and some other people. I think it will be fun.

Pigeons!

I hate pigeons. They are loud. I hear them outside my window every day. The noise they make sounds like two people getting it on. Which is really gross. Yesterday i left my apt and i was about to get on the elevator and there was a pigeon just standing there in the hallway. I think that pigeon is to blame for the alarm going off in the building TWICE yesterday! They are dirty and what's worse, they aren't afraid of humans.Their poop is everywhere. You dirty,dirty,bird!

Week wrap- up!

So movie night went well. I invited christina and ian, chermelle, and whitney. So we had snacks and watched on the waterfront and some standup of demetri martin. Then christina and ian left and then it was just the single girls. What do single girls talk about? Men! Well, the girls ended up leaving my house at 3 a.m. But it was fun.

So last week i started working at this dental office in the Heights. She's a female, which is a negative. I don't really like the office very much but it's only temporary. She basically told me that i am not worth what i am asking for. Which i found really insulting and i almost started crying. I automatically took what she said as true. It's not true. I am good at what i do. I just learned that you have to have confidence in yourself and your own abilities because people will say whatever, in order to make you feel inferior.

I met this sister at the meeting Sunday who used to be a dental assistant and she was so nice. She just told me that don't believe what they tell you they will say whatever in order to pay you less money. She told me to try the temp agency because that was how she was able to get a good job with a dentist in manhattan.So she just helped me to see that i shouldn't take what they say seriously.

Things are happening!

So i met this girl named whitney at the meeting last week. She lives in my building. She is so nice she's only 21 but you would never guess it. She's just really mature, way more mature than me! So she said that most of her single friends are back in michigan where she's from. So she doesn't have many single friends in the city, and i said," well neither do i, so let's fast-track this friendship Whitney!" She's just nice and laid back and she teaches pilates. Christina, whitney and i decided we are going to start running together. I think it will be nice. I need to excercise. It's nice having witnesses in the same building or just in the next building.

So i am having a movie night party at my house. So i am inviting Christina,Ian,Whitney and some other single girls. I think it will be fun. We are going to have snacks and maybe play some games.

Everyone in the building is nice. A lot of them have said you must be new to the building, everyone introduces themselves and it's just like a little community.I love my neighborhood. This transition has been so easy... too easy! Something bad is going to happen, i can feel it. This is too good to be true. I probably will choke on a banana tomorrow and die or get hit by a car.

What a great day!

So today i got up for early morning service. It was raining so whitney and i went over to christina's house and wrote letters. Then we met the group. Christina had territory near the house so we worked that.It was so nice. I didn't place any literature but it was just nice to talk to people and be outside. The sun was shining and it was just perfect. So we finished up the territory and then we went to this cafe for lunch called, "Little Purity" It's just this small nice little cafe. There is this guy that works there that is so cute, he looks like he could be a model but he is probably gay. But everyone that works there is really friendly. I ordered some tea and then spilled the entire thing and they were like that's ok and made another one for me.

After that, we went to the park and just walked around and placed magazines, it was so nice.I think after service tomorrow i am going to the park to hang out and read a book. Later Christina and i headed to Ikea i bought some picture frames and pillows and a throw and shelves. I am trying to whip this room into shape.

Round 2

So the same day that i had my job interview i get a call from the recruiter asking me to come in next thursday for a working interview. So this thursday i am working nine hours. I hope it goes ok, i could use a job. Next week i think i might call a temp agency and try to work another day during the week. I wouldn't mind taking one afternoon and working somewhere other than a dental office.Where, i don't know but it would be nice to do something fun.

So this morning I had my first job interview. It was in Brooklyn heights. The office is in a brownstone and it is a really small working space.so I was expecting to interview with the dentist but instead it was a recruiter. She just asked a bunch of questions and I think I have decent answers. When she talked about what the dentist was looking for, a lot of it was what I had mentioned. So I felt good about it, so the next step is interviewing with the dentist. So I hope I get a phone call.

Tuesday- well this morning I decided to go out in service this morning at about 7:30 to do street witnessing with christina and ian. Streetwork wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't talk of course but observing christina it just doesn't seem all that scary because you can pick who you want to talk to. Then we met the group to do door to door now that on the other hand won't be much fun. We met this guy who said,"Stop bothering us!"so I think door to door will be a little scary but grace said you just learn not to take it seriously. So after that we went to meet my cousin in new jersey. So mom and I hopped on the train. Well all of a sudden this guy gets on the train and starts singing about his sweet baby! I was just thinking If this guy doesn't shutup! He was this pudgy older guy with red suspenders and a big stomach.

Well Saturday night was the first night in my new place. I like the apt. It's cute. I have a walk-in closet and my room is spacious. The room is yellow and blue and I definitely want to change the colors. Grace is really nice.on the door there is a sign that says" take your shows off please" which I think is great because I don't want city funk being tracked through the apt. It's been pretty warm here and a bit humid. So christina let me borrow her air mattress, it's pretty comfortable. I am going to get rid of the furniture that's in the room because it's too big.

SUNDAY- I went to the meeting and met a lot of the friends. Everyone is so nice. They have about 110 or 120 publishers but a lot of people were missing because of the holiday. The brother who conducted the watchtower is so funny to me. His name is brother larue. He is really laid- back and his wife is real nervous. We went out to eat with them and another couple remi and natalie and a sister named debi and her daughter zele. So we went to this philipino restaurant that was good. Ian was embarrased by the cheesy tv shows that were in the tv. They do have karaoke so we talked about how fun it would be to do karaoke there. After that we tried to find my mom's old house which was difficult because everything has changed so much. Finally we just gave up and decided to go home.we were so tired we just ended up taking a nap. After that we went to the grocery store and cooked up some dinner and watched a movie and then went back to my place.

MONDAY- today the plan is go to home depot for paint, to to Ikea to check out furniture and go to the market for more groceries. I am so excited about Ikea I hope I can find some good stuff. I hear they are having a sale so I hope to get some good deals.

So yesterday I went on a bible study with a sister. It was a great study she prepared and had looked up all the scriptures. So at the end of the study she said she wanted to tell us something that happened when she was a child. So she said when she was about seven she was walking down the street in her neighborhood and the street was empty. So she says, I started flapping my arms and I began to fly! So I was like oh my goodness this lady has a demon! Then she said another time it was me and my cousin and we both flew. So the sister uwas with says ok! I don't really have an answer

Today I got really mad and came to the realization that I hate being bossed! It all started in service today. It was me, Sara, Rachel, and Sara's in-laws. So gave Rachel's husband decided to take a picture of well long story short everyone was trying to tell me where to sit and what to do and I just got so angry. They could see it on my face. I just don't understand people that feel they have to tell you how to do everything! For example I put two slices of cheese on two slices of bread and a certain person decides to put both my slices of cheese on one piece of the bread.I just thought," what is your problem?" I don't understand why certain people care so much. I am just sick of people I just want to be left alone! Part of it is my own fault though,I think I am too laid back. I just need to do things the way I want to do them. It just comes down to respect and sometimes I think you have to make people respect you. Today I was just thinking these people aren't my friends. I just kind of felt like if I never see them again that's ok. I am sure it's just a mood and I will change my mind on that.

Today I had this patient that was a 7 year old kid.he was so smart. He was just this little nerd. I asked him if he had any animals and he said that he had a couple cats.so then he started telling me these facts about short-haired cats.one of his cats was named cupcake and the other one was betty lou, which I thought was a great name for an animal.he wanted to know what all my tools were for. He kept picking up the suction and spitting in the straw so I said you really like that don't you? So he says,"Do I!" the way he said it was so funny. I guess it's one of those you had to be there moments.I said, "you are smart you must make good grades" and he says,"I make f's and c's" he is going to Disney world this summer. It turns out his dad is dying of pancreatic cancer so there doing this family trip that's being paid for by some foundation. It's really sad. He was a good kid.

Gas pills!

At work the other day someone asked me to go next door to the pharmacy to get her something for gas. I said ok because she had done something for me earlier.so I went next door and started looking for it and I couldn't find it so the guy behind the counter says can we help you find something? I paused a few seconds because I really didn't want to tell them what I needed. But I had no idea where the stuff was so I just said,"Um, can I just say that this isn't for me,a co-worker sent me in here for gas pills" but they didn't laugh or anything. I think they thought I was lying. Oh well.

It's My Party!

Debi, my precious, good friend decided to throw a going away party for me. A Wigs and Wine party . Everyone has to wear a wig or some kind of fake facial hair. Perfect! I am excited. I found one that looks like a beehive, a really tall beehive. I love it, i just don't know what color i should get. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I am looking forward to it! Debi showed me what the invitaiton looked like and i instantly got excited. She has gone all out! I love her! I am really going to miss her.

OH NO!

Time is running out! I have about four weeks left and i am feeling a little bit stressed. I need to make a list because i know i am going to forget to do something important. The good thing is that i don't have a lot of stuff to pack. I can't believe how fast this day is coming. I am excited and ready to go but at the same time i know i am going to miss my life here. But it's time to start a new chapter in my life. I think this will be the best decision i have ever made.... or it could be the worst.

Men, Men, Men!

I recently realized that i am attracted to middle-aged men. This is all based on a certain guy who is about 54 years old ( that's still somewhat middle-aged right?) and a patient he is also a pilot and he has traveled everywhere. So everytime he comes in we end up talking about travel. I just find him interesting and even though he is balding a bit it didn't really bother me ( something must be wrong with me.) And he specifically asked to be put on my schedule which made me feel special! Anyway, he will never know about my undying love for him because i will never see him again! (Kia cries one single tear.) I think the reason why i find SOME middle-aged men attractive is because i feel like i can learn a lot from them. They can expose me to new and exciting things! But on the other hand when they get really old and i am still a spring chicken, then it will be time for me to dump them and move on to a hot young thing!

It's Jesco!

So when i was in high school my art teacher showed us this documentary called the Dancing Outlaw. It featured Jesco White (a.k.a. Jessie/Elvis). He is a tapdancer from the mountains of West Virginia. It's funny and sad. It's just hard to believe that people like him exist. So i haven't seen this video in years but yesterday my brother tells me he found it on Amazon. So i watched it last night and every time i see it, i am just fascinated by Appalachian,hillbilly life.

It's coming!

So as my moving date gets closer, i am starting to get just a little worried about finding a job. I was talking to my cousin and he was saying that finding a job in the city is difficult and there are a lot of single sisters in his hall that are looking for work. It just made me nervous. I know Jehovah will help me find a job so i shouldn't freak about it but i just dread the whole process of looking for one. It still doesn't seem real that i am actually leaving. I guess it won't feel real until i actually start packing up my things. So it's crunchtime now when it comes to getting out of debt, i want to hurry up and pay some things off so i can leave debt-free.

What's up with these bugs!

So there was a wasp in my room the other night. I decided to kill it while it was crawling on the floor. So i decided to drop my big reference bible on it because that would get the job done. So i dropped it and then picked up the bible to see the slain wasp on the floor. Well wouldn't you know that blasted wasp was still moving around and after dropping that reference bible on that wasp another six times it still was holding on to life. So finally i got sick of it and took the heel of my red shoe and ground that wasp into the carpet with all the strength i could muster! I don't know what it is with bugs these days, its like they have some undying will to live!

Pet Peeves!

I just discovered another pet peeve. It's when i am eating a sandwich or drinking something (and a certain person who will remain nameless) will at times pick up my sandwich or take a sip of my drink without asking! Usually when you want to try something that someone else is eating, you ask them to cut a piece for you or you take a piece they haven't touched yet.

But this person doesn't care, this nameless person just goes ahead and drinks or eats your stuff. It grosses me out because this person also licks her fingers after she has eaten something and i have seen her kiss her dog before! I just think of all those germs left on my food or on my straw. It really grosses me out when she is eating something and then drinks out of my cup. I just think of all the floaters that just got dropped off in my drink.

I guess i could say something about it, but you would think that this is something that most would know NOT to do just because, it's gross!

Why do people lick all their fingers after they eat something! Ugghh!!!
Why do people take their fork, rake it against their plate so they can eat every tiny morsel of sauce or whatever it is when really there isn't anything left in the plate to eat. There are two people i know that have eating habits that frankly gross me out!

But maybe i have bad eating habits to! Who knows! Maybe someone has written or told someone else about how disgusting i am. Well someone should tell me!

Untitled

i think i am immature. I think my personal development stopped about 15 years ago. why don't i have my life together. Like, how come my room is always a mess, and my car is just a big garbage can. Why am i scatter- brained? Why do i not feel like an adult? I feel like other people just shake their head and think she needs to get it together. Why do others feel the need to lead me or tell me what to do. Why do i just go along with it?

So i think ny will be good for me in that it's an opportunity to start over. It's an opportunity to make the changes i need to make and have the relationships with other people that i want to have and just work on myself. Hopefully i will become a better person. I feel like i am spinning in a tornado. I dont' know the direction, i don't know where anything is in this tornado and i don't know how to get out of it.

Dang it!

Today a co-worker told me that her 18 year old son said i was cool. For some reason it made me feel really good. It made me feel like, listen, i may be 30 but i am cool! But then again ,what does an 18 year old kid know!

Go Generosity!

A few days ago i realized that when i don't study regularly, i begin to think negative things about the truth. That scares me! So i have got to buckle down with this personal study. Tonight i decided to read this article entitled, 6 Keys to Personal Success. One of the keys was generosity. Which is something i definitely need to work on. Especially when it comes to donations, and being generous with my time and energy. I think most of the time i am just focused on myself and my own feelings. I need to focus on helping others. The bottom line is lour generosity or lack there of, is a reflection of how we feel about jehovah. I have to show jehovah that i appreciate the generosity he has shown towards me..

I think i love you, Andrew Bird!

Last night i went to the Andrew Bird concert. I was kind of dreading it a bit because i had to work the next day and i knew i was going to be out late.But it was totally worth it. He is so talented! He plays the violin, guitar, xylophone, and he whistles. I just loved it when he played the violin. It made me want to pick it up again. Maybe when i move to nyc i can take lessons. Anyway, it was so neat! I just loved his style and his voice but i didn't really like the way he moved. I didn't think about the possibility of him being gay until Debi mentioned it and then i thought maybe he is. I hope not though! Just because, he has to be my future boyfriend! I would definitely see him live again. I bought his cd, which i like, but i wish i would have bought his live album because the cd i have is stripped down a lot. I also think the guy who played guitar was attractive. He just played his music and didn't show a lot of emotion.

You just can't beat live music and i love musicians. I just love them. It's just so sad that i will never end up with one. It was so amazing how andrew bird plays something, records it, plays it back, and then adds another sound. It's like he reworks his songs right on the spot.Who else does that? It was just a great show.

Quit my job. CHECK!

So i finally told my boss that i was leaving and the conversation went surprisingly well, a little too well... maybe my boss is thrilled that i am actually leaving. Who knows! Anyway the plan is to stay at my job until May 28th and then i am free! She told me that she knew a few dentists in nyc and that one was in brooklyn and that she could write a letter of recomendation for me which would be sweet! We'll see if that actually happens. So now i have to update Grace on the plans. She was supposed to send me pictures of the apartment but she hasn't so far. I really want to see what it looks like just so i can have an idea of the size of furniture i will need. I don't want to bug her about it though, maybe she will send it soon.

I like stools

Today i was so bored at work i just decided to get on top of this tall stool that we have and just stand there. It was amazing how much warmer it was that close to the ceiling. I felt like i could just stand there forever. Everytime someone came into the room i just pretended i was reaching for something or arrangeing the boxes up there. Eventually someone said, "What are you doing?" I said," Standing on a stool." Then i decided to get down because i thought what if my boss catches me, i might get in trouble.

I'm in the bathroom!

The other day i was in a bathroom in Subway. It only had one bathroom. So i go in there and decide to not lock the door because i thought there aren't a lot of people in this Subway, everyone saw me go to the bathroom. What are the chances of someone coming in here?! So i do my business and then when i am washing my hands, the door opens and a man stares at me and then i stare back at him. He didn't say anything and neither did I. It was like neither one of us knew what to say and at the same time it wasn't a big deal because i wasn't on the toilet. He was probably thinking Thank GOD!

Communication Breakdown

So last week i was irritated because i just felt like there was a breakdown in communication with a couple of people. I felt like what i was saying wasn't getting across and the two individuals responded in ways that weren't even necessary. For instance, i was talking with someone the other day about how we only stayed in service 2 hours and that next time we need territory. So he says, "My wife had territory." So i say, "Oh, i didn't know that!" So he says,"You should have asked." It made me irritated, because we talked about territory in the car and no one said they had any. It's not my fault she didn't mention that she had territory. Shutup and leave me alone!

So the other person with which i had a communication breakdown drives me insane. I hate when people's personalities aren't for the most part, consistent. I can't stand it when people are mean and then nice, then mean again, then nice. I don't know how to classify you! I am constantly feeling uneasy. With this person though, i think i have just given up. I don't care anymore. She is not my friend and if i never saw her again then, that would be fine with me. I am just sick of her inconsistent personality! I can't take it anymore, i can't take how she treats me! I am sick of the emotional rollercoaster that she is constantly on!

Close that eye of yours!

So today i had this patient whose eyes were closed while i was cleaning his teeth. Well, one was closed and the other one was slightly open. That's just kind of creepy to me. How hard is it to keep both your eyes closed. I couldn't tell if he was actually looking at me or not. It makes me think of that Edgar Allen Poe story, which if i remember correctly, this guy is so terrorized by the eye of this old man that he decides to kill him( it has been a long time since i read that story so that could be totally wrong). Anyway, that one opened-eyed man gave me the creeps!

Cool Costume

So the other day i was thinking, how cool would it be to have a costume party at my apartment in nyc. Then i pictured myself walking down the street dressed like a jar of Hellman's mayonnaise. I have on white tights and a hat shaped like a blue lid. I don't know why i find condiment costumes so appealing.

Weird

Oh, I had a weird sensation this morning. This probably won't make any sense but, my arm felt like it was really sore and i had kind of a burning sensation but when i touched it, it was fine. It was like the soreness and burning was all in my head. ( the twilight zone music plays in the background.)

Must do before May

I feel like there are a lot of things i need to do before the big move to New York.
1. Pay off my credit card
2. Reactivate my NY license
3. Tell my boss i am leaving
4. Redo my resume
5.Go through my things and decide what to bring
6.Turn in my Bethel application

I feel like the next two months are going to fly by. I am feeling a slight amount of stress about the whole thing. I think it will all come together in the end though, I hope.

Exercise?

I am so disappointed with myself. I exercised consistently for 8 weeks and now what am i doing, absolutely nothing. I am a lazy disgusting person. I have to do better, now that the days are getting longer i want to go to the track after work and run. The bad thing about exercise is that you know you need to do it, you feel so good when you do it, but when you don't do it you feel such guilt. I feel like a waste of space. This has got to change.

your husband can do what?!

So today my coworker tells me that her husband can tell which of his farts are going to stink and which ones aren't. I love it! It's genius! She said the other night they were in bed and he let one go and she said,"Uggghh! Michael did you just fart?" and he says, "Don't worry, you won't smell it." and she didn't. She said she didn't know how he can tell , but he can. So i tell her that her husband is a FART PREDICTOR or better yet a FART SMELL PREDICTOR! How come i couldn't be blessed with such talent. Life Stinks!

You make me sick!

I just want to talk about the witness that i work with. Never in my life have i met someone that i can't stand as much as her ( i say this without really thinking about it, so this might not necessarily be true.) I just have no respect for her at all. I just wish she would shut her mouth and not mention anything about the truth or her rediculous family or whatever else she wants to talk about. She just prefers the approval of worldly people over anything else. She is just a joke.

What B.O. you have!

So i think i talk about work way too much but here is one more story. So i have worked at my job about 4 years. For the past for years i have dealt with the body odor of the other hygienist. At first it was just a sharp odor that you picked up right away but now after four years, i am just use to it. Well, i don't know what has happened lately, maybe it's the fact that it has gotten a bit warmer but last week, her body odor became this living, breathing organism that assaulted me and brought me to my knees! It was inescapable. Apparently almost everyone was assaulted because we ended up talking about how something needed to be said. No one wanted to do it. Well we ended up having a meeting one morning and one of the girls says, " oh we have had a couple patients complain about body odor so everyone needs to make sure they are clean and that they wear deodorant." I looked at the one who said it and just thought, wow you are amazing, i can't believe how easily you did that. So i think the b.o. offender got the point because, we happened to have deodorant in the office and she put some on. So on the one hand i think, great, problem solved, but on the other hand ,i don't like her, and her b.o. was like the one thing in which i had the upper hand. You know she's been doing hygiene a lot longer than me, she may be a better hygienist than me, but dang it, at least i could be the hygienist that didn't have the body odor. And now i can't even have that title.

What a funk!

I think i must be tired. I think i just need to sleep.I am just tired of everyone and pointless stupid conversations. I wish i could get through the rest of the day without saying a word. I can't wait to go home. I want a miniature schnauzer(?). They are cute.

Tennis

So today is another day at work. I am sick of my job. i am sick of some of my co-workers. Today at lunch i was just sitting there and one girl just talked and talked and in my head i was just thinking, "SHUTUP!" all she does is talk and talk and it's like being stabbed with a knife in the ear over and over again.

In other news, Grace wanted to know if i still planned on coming up in a couple of weeks or had my plans changed. So i told her i was just going to move up in may. So she said that sounded good and she looked forward to it . So far so good. At the moment i am so ready to get out of here.

I went to the tennis tournament last night. A guy had a heart attack during the match, so they stopped play. I hate it when someone decides to have a heart attack during a very important match. So i went to see James Blake who is attractive but he could be a better tennis player. I was like maybe 2o feet away from him. He is just as good looking in person as on tv. Anyway he lost and he must have been pretty upset about it becuase he didn't even stick around to be interviewed. Then Andy Roddick played i am not really an Andy Roddick fan but i watched the first set and then i went home because i was tired and i had a headache because i drank alchohol even though i hadn't eaten in about 8 hrs.

So today i find out that a c0worker/witness is helping out at a health fair that our boss is doing at a church! What is she thinking? So i am debating whether i should say something to her about it or just leave it alone after all she is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Sometimes i wonder if she has a brain!

My Sweatpants

I thought i would take some time to talk about my gray oversized sweat pants.
I love these pants. They are gray, and they sag in the butt area, but dang it, they are comfortable! I come home, strip off my work clothes and put on my warm, 80% cotton 20% polyester pants! I must confess i don't always treat these pants with the respect they deserve. When it's cold i put those pants on, get in my warm bed, and prepare for sweet dreams.Recently though, I have woken up without my sweatpants on! I often find them tossed to the side of the bed or buried deep under the covers.If my pants could talk i know what they'd say,"You use me time and time again to keep you warm and comfortable, i do my best to keep you happy, and then how do you treat me? In the middle of the night you get rid of me because your hot or irritated. How do you think that makes me feel, huh?! Cheap, that's how! You are so selfish! I am so sick of this back and forth nonsense!"

So needless to say, i have to clean up my act and show my sweatpants that i am 100% committed. I am not going to disrespect them anymore. I love them.

it's nothing really.

I actually don't have anything really exciting to talk about. Nothing major has happened this week. The circuit overseer is visiting this week. He is new and he seems nice enough. His talk Tuesday night and the pioneer meeting were both really good. He is from Cuba and his wife was born and raised in California but her family is Ecuadorian. She has nice style. They ski,play golf and ride horses. He says that he is really competetive. Even though they are nice, i miss our old circuit overseer. He was amazing.

Today, i am at work but i am not seeing patients. So basically i have to do a bunch of busywork. I would much rather be at home instead of here, but at least i am getting paid.

No meat/ the last time

Well i have almost made it a month without eating meat. This has been pretty easy. The only time it was difficult was when i was with all my relatives( they are all carnivors). I do find that i am hungry a lot of the time. The bad thing about eating healthy is that it takes a lot more food to fill me up.

I have noticed recently that when i say goodbye to someone, or whenever i get in my car and drive somewhere, i automatically think, "Little did they know that was the last time they would see Kia Dukes." I feel like some guy is narrating the final moments of my life on some tv show. I die in some car accident or some serial killer makes me his next victim. I wonder who would play me in the reinactment scene. Whoever she is, i hope she's pretty.

Pee-Wee!

Today at work Kelli and i were talking about the movie Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. There were so many funny parts. The scene when he gets on the bus with Large Marge and it's a dark rainy night, and she starts telling him this scary story and all of a sudden her face turns into some weird claymation face, well that scared me to death as a kid. I like the part in the movie where he is at a drive-in and in the movie he's watching someone says,"Mr. Pee-Wee Herman, calling Mr. Pee-Wee Herman" anyway i thought it was funny. I want to watch it again just to see is it as funny at the age of 30, as it was at the age of , i don't know, 10! Probably not!

As a kid i loved Pee-Wee's Playhouse. He always had the secret word of the day, if someone said it then everyone would scream. There was Cherry, the talking couch, there was a cowboy, i don't remember the character's name but he was played by, Lawrence Fishburne. It was just a good show as a kid. Too bad Pee-Wee got arrested for exposing himself in a porn theater. Shame on you Pee- Wee, shame on you!

Life stinks today!

I am not very fond of life today. I think i am in a funk. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I don't know if i am depressed about Jason or what, but i just wish i could hide from the world today. I am tired. Maybe the weather is to blame for my mood. I am sure this is temporary. Maybe if i could just have a hard-core crying spell i would feel better.

windshield wipers

I hate when it rains but it's one of those rains when it's not raining hard enough to put your wipers on full speed but not so light that you don't have to bother with them at all. I have a hard time finding the right level. I always get irritated because i am constantly going from one level to the next, and never satisfied with the level i am on.

Memorial Service

Wednesday i went to Texas for Jason's memorial service. I was looking forward to seeing a lot of my family that i haven't seen in a while, at the same time i dreaded the whole thing. When i walked in the door of my aunt's house i saw her sitting in the living room, i just hugged her. I just told her it was good to see her. I don't know why i didn't say,"I am sorry about Jason" or something but i guess she knew. John told me that they committed jason which is something they had done before but this time was different because he wasn't better when he left and he didn't stay as long as he usually does. He had only slept one hour in the past three days. John said that's usually the first sign that he was starting that whole manic phase again.



There were a lot of people at the kingdom hall. The friends were so nice. They brought so much food to the house and were willing to do whatever they could to help out. When a tragedy happens it's nice to see how the friends are right there to provide comfort. Everyone was dreading the memorial service. The circuit overseer gave the talk and he did a really good job.



Thursday and Friday the weather was so nice. Saturday the day of the service it was really cold and dreary. It was appropriate for the occasion. I saw quite a few people that i hadn't seen in a really long time. It was nice to catch up with Talia, Erica, Lordan and meet his wife. Justin Hood showed up, that kid is so funny. After the service and the reception we went back to my aunt's house and we had so much fun. When all the family gets together its just loud everyone is talking and laughing, there is always plenty of alcohol and food and there is always a card game going on. For a moment i just looked around and i felt happy to be a part of this family. It's just funny how we all make fun of each other. I wish i was with them now because they bought a bunch of lobsters and shrimp and everyone's having a good time. At the same time i also felt a bit guilty that we were having such a good time.It almost seemed like we weren't mourning properly. I don't know. To sum it all up, Jason was a good person, if you asked him to do something he would do it. He loved Jehovah, he was smart, he loved service, and he will be missed.

A SAD DAY

My cousin committed suicide this morning. It doesn't seem real. My uncle found him. His car was in the garage, the engine was still running, and he was inside. He was bipolar. As a kid he was skinny, nerdy, and he had really bad asthma. He was the youngest in his family, his mom babied him all the time. We would always make fun of each other. I always made fun of his feet because they were so long and flat. I would tell him he could stomp out forest fires with his feet. When my brother and i were younger we spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house in Dallas. I would always be picked on because i was the only girl. I guess it was about five years ago when i found out that he was bipolar.He went to Denver, rented a car and was supposed to meet up with my parents for the district convention that weekend. No one heard from him. He ended up being picked up by the police. My parents found out and went to the station to see him. The police said it would be better if they came the next day becuase he wasn't doing well.They had to restrain him because he was fighting them and yelling. He had no idea what had happened to the car and he had a broken leg. He had tried to kill himself that night, he said he wanted to go to heaven. My aunt never really gave to many details about his condition. When you would ask her how he was doing she would always say, " He's ok."

He was never the same. I would hear about his latest "episode" from other family members. He became this really aggressive person. He was always right. It got to the point where i didn't want to be around him. I talked to him a couple of months ago. He was so happy and appreciative that i called him. He said that the month before he barely left his room. He said he felt like he just rose from the dead. He dreaded the winter because that time of year was always difficult. He was ready to leave his congregation and go to another one. He just seemed really anxious to do something different. I think all of us wondered if he would ever committ suicide. It was always something i thought about and then kind of dismissed. I can't believe he actually did it. I feel guilty for not wanting to be around him and not wanting to talk to him. It's wasn't his fault that he had a mental illness. I think the worst part is that there were things he wanted to do like get married, have a regular job, be independent. All those things were impossible for him. I think he got sick of taking medicines that only worked temporarily.The side affects of his medicines were bad too, i remember his hands would tremble a lot. He had a hard time maintaining friendships because he was so belligerent. His life was just sad. This sounds bad, but in a way i think he is better off. I am glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

The Weekend Wrap-up!

So Saturday I met up with some people in Memphis for dinner and then went to see a musical. So earlier in the day i was kind of dreading it because i really wasn't all that in the mood and i didn't want to go by myself. . So i convinced my brother and another friend to go with me. So we go to this restaurant called Bari, which was an italian restaurant. It was small and had a nice atmosphere. So there are about 9 people already there. so i introduce myself and sit down. My brother and his friend sit at another table and i sit with the table of 9. So right away i knew i made a mistake in coming. So there were three girls that were sitting to the left of me, they couldn't have been more than 21 or 22 years old. They were just so ditzy! So the waitress starts taking everyone's drink orders and they order Sex on the Beach, and i just thought, " Who orders that?" It's such a crap drink! So i happened to know the guy that was sitting across from me and i don't like him because he's just kind of a jerk and he thinks he knows everything and if you don't agree with him then you are an idiot. I really didn't care to make conversation with him. The girl to the right of me was such a JERK! So after we had all ordered food, she says to the waitress, "We have to catch a show at 8:00 so if you could put a rush on it that would be nice."Which doesn't sound all that bad, but the way she said it just sounded a bit rude. So the waitress says that would have been nice to know when you first got here. So she orders some potatoes and then asks for ketchup and i looked at my brother and he looked at our other friend and he looked at me and we just felt embarassed. Then when the guy that invited me gets his food he says it smells like puppies and just complains and i was just like who are these people and i so dont want to be here! I wanted to just bail after dinner but i already had a ticket to the show so it would have been rude to just leave. So i stayed for the show which was alright. Not horrible but also not awesome. So at the end of the night i didn't even say goodbye to anyone except the guy that invited me and i got in my car and took off . I hope i never see those people again.

hair

So today i was looking at my hair and i have so many knots! I am afraid i am going to wake up one morning and i will have dredlocks! I can't get rid of these knots because their are too many. All the knots are single strand knots, how does that happen? In New York i hope i can find a salon that can do something cool with my hair. At the moment i am just kind of sick of it. I think i write about it too much. My head hurts.


In other news, it's day 3 without meat. So far so good. It has been easy.I hope after a month i still won't want meat.

It might be a little crude!

So, i ask every patient at work if they are taking any new medications or had any recent surgeries. Usually, if they are taking anything new it's a cholesterol or blood pressure medication or anti-depressent, pretty run of the mill stuff. Well today, this patient mentioned a new drug he was taking, and it was something i wasn't familiar with, so I asked him, "What are you taking it for?" and he says," CONSTIPATION" and for a few seconds, i felt a little awkward.(kia looks out the window and flashes back to her childhood) Whenever i hear the word constipation i automatically think of being 8 yrs. old, in tears, doubled over in pain, unable to do what every normal human being could do! All i wanted to do was TAKE A DUMP! Was that too much to ask? To be normal? To eliminate my body's waste in the proper fashion? I remember having to take this medicine that tasted like grease. It was horrible. ( kia snaps back into reality).So i couldn't laugh at my patient. I knew his pain, his struggle for regular bowel movements. You always hear about cancer, heart disease, but what about the millions of people who can't take a dump! You don't know the secret shame we feel, the isolation, the straining, the disappointment you feel after another unsuccessful trip to the bathroom. When will our voice be heard? ( A single tear rolls down kia's face) Ok, i think i have gone too far with this blog. I am probably going to regret writing this.

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

So, i probably should be sleeping right now because for the past few days i have been staying up late, and every morning i think, "I need to get to bed at a decent time!" So what do i do the next night? Go to bed late. A few weeks ago during a shepherding call, one of the brothers told me that," I AM AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED!"(loud echo, audience gasps) He based that on a conversation in which i asked him to please not kill me, because i needed to cancel our previously arranged shepherding call. But i have thought about that for the past couple of weeks and i think it's true. I AM AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED!(audience starts to gasp again,but then just loses interest) I have been trying to figure out what that's all about. I think it's probably a mixture of:

2 cups Upbringing
3 cups Insecurity
1 cup of pure Retardation

Mix ingredients together. Let it bake for 30 years. And you've got your self a piping hot bowl of SOCIAL ANXIETY. DELICIOUS!
no. of servings 1

i have to work this out. (to be continued)

Pilates

Yesterday i went to the pilates class. I enjoyed it although it's a bit hard to watch the instructor and focus on what you are doing at the same time. You have to focus on breathing a lot also . I found myself breathing in when she said to breath out and vice versa. By the end of it i did feel more relaxed and i think it's really good for my back. I just wanted to laugh the whole time.

Music

I don't know if i have mentioned this but at the moment i really like the Reconteurs. I wish i would have gone to their show a couple of months ago. I also really like Kings of Leon for the moment. I also am listening to Elliot Smith. When i listen to his music it's like a mixture of sadness, numbness, rain, Seattle, but at the same time i really enjoy it. I love music, probably more than i should, but it's just an amazing thing. I remember the first time i heard Jeff Buckley, i was just blown away! That was the soundtrack to my London trip with Pats! This might sound crazy, but there are certain songs that i just can't listen to a lot, because i want to hold on to the feeling that i had when i first heard it. I remember where i was when i heard that Kurt Cobain had died. Whenever i think of Weezer, i think of riding in Debi's old BMW with the sunroof open looking up at the stars. I remember being at Wal-Mart and discussing the meaning of "Fake Plastic Trees" with Debi. I will be a Radiohead fan forever. That Radiohead show was just so unbelievable! I can associate so many good times that i've had with a certain song or band. I have a soundtrack to my life.

bored, bored, bored!

I hate being at work when i don't have to see patients. I just hate doing busywork. I don't do well when i have time on my hands with nothing in particular to actually do, i will waste every second. This afternoon i think i am going to join debi and do a pilates class. I wish i could take a regular pilates class, i need to strenghthen this core of mine! I have got to pay off my credit card STAT! I hate debt.It shouldn't take that long, i just have to buckle down and put every extra dime i have on my credit card. I decided not to go to california for a wedding because i need to take care of my credit card. I wouldn't consider myself particularly good at anything but i am good with my finances. I am pretty responsible when it comes to that area of my life. So i guess i am proud of myself in that way and i am good at saving money. It's nice that the sun is shining today.

Goals

Since i met my goal of running for 2 miles, it's time to set a new goal. So the new goal is to be a vegetarian for a month. Debi came up with this one and the previous one, actually( why am i always so accepting of these challenges?) I think the first 2 days will be easy but after that it might get a little harder. I am totally commited, so no matter how hard it gets i am sticking to it! I think these challenges are good because when you reach the goal, you just feel so great about yourself! Next goal - Get a personality!

What are you talking about?

Yesterday, I was talking to one of the girls up front about how i wanted to take some time off but i wasn't sure if the boss was going to let me. So the front desk girl says, "Well, you know their is only one person around here who can come and go as they please and you know who that is?" So i go,"MmmmHmmm!" I had no idea who she was talking about. So then she kept going on about this "mystery person" while i am trying to figure out who she's talking about. I can't ask her who she's talking about because then i will look like an idiot. So i just keep nodding, and throwing in a couple of meaningless phrases.Totally oblivious as to who we were talking about.

Barack Obama, what are you doing?

Last night i dreamed that i was at Barack Obama's house. I was just laid out on the sofa watching television. His youngest daughter was there along with her grandmother. I looked out the window and i could see the ocean, there was a glass wall that separated the house and the ocean. So Barack comes in the house and i try to hide from him. Then he goes outside with his daughter. The yard is filled with leaves and he starts looking for something on the ground. So i say what are you doing Barack? He says i am going to build a snow globe and i am going to put some pearl shavings in it. Why pearl shavings? I have no idea! That was my dream, it didn't really make any sense but whatever. I just wish i could have kissed him or something, after all, he is a good-looking guy!