Dazed and Confused

Well, I don't know what to say. I come back from Mississippi and go to my friend Chermelle's house for movie night. So she says to me," Your old buddy Paul texted me and asked me to go out in service with him. He talked the whole time. He asked her about her writing and he read what she had written." So i was trying to play it cool with Chermelle so i was just like, "Wow he probably likes you Chermelle." So she's like no he doesn't so she says you should say something. So i tell her i am not saying anything because this is what will happen, i will be completely open about how i like him and then he will say i only like you as a friend and then kia looks like an idiot. So after that conversation with Chermelle, i just felt angry,hurt, and a little blindsided. I automatically start to second guess everything and to think maybe everything was in my head and that i am totally incapable of reading guys. Bottom line- My feelings are hurt. Hurt by a short, skinny, pale, thirty-three old who bounces when he walks. Maybe he just viewed me as a friend all along. I just feel really confused and retarded. I really do not understand guys at all and i never will. The best thing for me to do is to just not get excited about them or care about them at all because i really do feel it is a waste of my time and energy. I really just end up feeling worse about myself. So i asked Chermelle about going out in service tomorrow evening.She says it will be me you and Paul. So i am thinking,"Great,this isn't going to be awkward or anything!" So i asked Whitney to come also, so we will see what happens. My first thought was just to ignore his existence, but i will just act like nothing has happened and try to be cool about the whole thing.