My cousin committed suicide this morning. It doesn't seem real. My uncle found him. His car was in the garage, the engine was still running, and he was inside. He was bipolar. As a kid he was skinny, nerdy, and he had really bad asthma. He was the youngest in his family, his mom babied him all the time. We would always make fun of each other. I always made fun of his feet because they were so long and flat. I would tell him he could stomp out forest fires with his feet. When my brother and i were younger we spent a lot of time at my aunt and uncle's house in Dallas. I would always be picked on because i was the only girl. I guess it was about five years ago when i found out that he was bipolar.He went to Denver, rented a car and was supposed to meet up with my parents for the district convention that weekend. No one heard from him. He ended up being picked up by the police. My parents found out and went to the station to see him. The police said it would be better if they came the next day becuase he wasn't doing well.They had to restrain him because he was fighting them and yelling. He had no idea what had happened to the car and he had a broken leg. He had tried to kill himself that night, he said he wanted to go to heaven. My aunt never really gave to many details about his condition. When you would ask her how he was doing she would always say, " He's ok."
He was never the same. I would hear about his latest "episode" from other family members. He became this really aggressive person. He was always right. It got to the point where i didn't want to be around him. I talked to him a couple of months ago. He was so happy and appreciative that i called him. He said that the month before he barely left his room. He said he felt like he just rose from the dead. He dreaded the winter because that time of year was always difficult. He was ready to leave his congregation and go to another one. He just seemed really anxious to do something different. I think all of us wondered if he would ever committ suicide. It was always something i thought about and then kind of dismissed. I can't believe he actually did it. I feel guilty for not wanting to be around him and not wanting to talk to him. It's wasn't his fault that he had a mental illness. I think the worst part is that there were things he wanted to do like get married, have a regular job, be independent. All those things were impossible for him. I think he got sick of taking medicines that only worked temporarily.The side affects of his medicines were bad too, i remember his hands would tremble a lot. He had a hard time maintaining friendships because he was so belligerent. His life was just sad. This sounds bad, but in a way i think he is better off. I am glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore.
