desperate times, desperate situations

Well the other day i woke up and i had to use the bathroom really bad. So i get up to go to the bathroom only to find that my roommate is in the shower. I had to go urgently, so i weighed my options. 1. Ask Grace to get out of the shower so i could use the bathroom. For some reason i felt like this was too much of a hassle for her.
2.Just go in there and use the toilet. This would not only be awkward for Grace but also me. Our shower curtain is clear. 3. I could just forget going to the bathroom and just find something to pee in. I chose option 3. So i found a bottle and took care of business. But while i was using the bottle i thought this doesn't make much sense. I am peeing in a bottle in my own place. I have peed in some weird places, the back seat of a car, a crowd of people at a music festival, but i never thought i would be doing it in a bottle in my room. I think i am strange.

the saga continues

Well here is the Paul update. So last week a friend of mine told me that he texted her, they went out in service, he was really chatty, and he asked her about her writing and he read her stuff. So i immediately felt hurt that he had taken an interest in her and made plans with her. So i was not looking forward to going out in service with him on Wednesday. I just thought it would be awkward.

So we go out Wednesday and it wasn't bad at all. It was just easy. Well Saturday i went to Bethel for the Gilead Graduation which was amazing. The talks were great and the experiences were great also. So after the Graduation i went to a couple's room at bethel and the sister started talking about Paul and how he's homesick and how it's really hard for temp workers at bethel to make friends. So i felt bad for him so i texted him to see what he was up to and he said he was going to the Guggenheim and he asked me if i wanted to go. So i said yah so we went with a friend of his and we had a good time. Checked out some art, we ended up in chinatown for dinner and we walked the brooklyn bridge and then went back to his friends room for ice cream and drinks.

So while we are on the train he tells me that he went out in service with my friend chermelle and that he read some of her articles and he says, "she can really talk." The way he said it made it seem like it really wasn't a big deal. So i felt better about the whole thing. He didn't have to tell me any of that. I just feel comfortable around him, i feel like i can tell him anything and that he doesn't judge me. No matter what happens i consider him a good friend.

Period!

Thursday i go to work and i am seeing my first patient and then all of a sudden i feel like i just peed on myself and i am like man i am having a bladder problem.So after i finish my patient i stand up and realize oh wait! that's not pee that's blood! So i immediately ask the girls if there are tampons in the office. Thank goodness there were. So i turn around and ask the girls do they see anything. One of the girls immediately gasps and looks at me. I had bled thru my scrubs! so i hurry up and go to the bathroom. one of the girls always has extra scrubs so she let me borrow some. I can't remember the last time that happened to me. I hate periods!

Moistey!

Can i just say that one of my pet peeves is when people talk during a movie. That really burns me up. So over the weekend i went to Darren's house with debi,uriel, cara, and JASON MOYSEY a.k.a. JASON MOISTEY. HE is such an irritant. I have tried and tried to like him as a person and i just can't do it. He says the dumbest things and he thinks he knows everything and that's what i find so dang irritating. So we were watching a great movie and he is just talking about how bad the movie is and i just wanted to jump up off that couch, grab him by the neck, and just choke him.

Dazed and Confused

Well, I don't know what to say. I come back from Mississippi and go to my friend Chermelle's house for movie night. So she says to me," Your old buddy Paul texted me and asked me to go out in service with him. He talked the whole time. He asked her about her writing and he read what she had written." So i was trying to play it cool with Chermelle so i was just like, "Wow he probably likes you Chermelle." So she's like no he doesn't so she says you should say something. So i tell her i am not saying anything because this is what will happen, i will be completely open about how i like him and then he will say i only like you as a friend and then kia looks like an idiot. So after that conversation with Chermelle, i just felt angry,hurt, and a little blindsided. I automatically start to second guess everything and to think maybe everything was in my head and that i am totally incapable of reading guys. Bottom line- My feelings are hurt. Hurt by a short, skinny, pale, thirty-three old who bounces when he walks. Maybe he just viewed me as a friend all along. I just feel really confused and retarded. I really do not understand guys at all and i never will. The best thing for me to do is to just not get excited about them or care about them at all because i really do feel it is a waste of my time and energy. I really just end up feeling worse about myself. So i asked Chermelle about going out in service tomorrow evening.She says it will be me you and Paul. So i am thinking,"Great,this isn't going to be awkward or anything!" So i asked Whitney to come also, so we will see what happens. My first thought was just to ignore his existence, but i will just act like nothing has happened and try to be cool about the whole thing.

Am i going crazy!

Just a few minutes ago i realized that i lost my debit card. I used an atm machine at the bank and i just realized that i didn't get my card back. I hope no one has stolen it. Then i was touching the back of my hair and a small chunk of hair came out. I have been feeling sick today, nauseous, and i have been feeling a little light-headed for at least a couple of weeks now. I need to go to the doctor. I feel like something might be wrong with me. I feel like i am on the verge of a emotional breakdown. I want to go home.

Exercise

Monday morning i woke up in a bad mood. i got dressed for service and then changed my mind and decided to stay home. My skin was horrible i had a huge zit, i had my period and i just felt ugly and a bit depressed. SO i stayed home and slept for about 2 hrs. and then i felt better. I decided to go exercise. So i went with Whitney to her Pilates studio. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and then i did pilates on the machine. Whitney almost killed me it was not easy but i felt great afterward. THen we went for sushi and i made brownies. The day turned out to be pretty good in the end. I have just decided that i have got to start eating better and exercising. It just puts you in such a better mood.