The Train

I have gone thru a phase where everytime i am on the train i think about licking the floor. I don't know why.

Today on the train i had my earphones on and the music just sounded like static and then the conductor started talking and it sounded like static. Then i thought what if this was subliminal mind control that's going on right now. That makes no sense but it's what i thought.

i hate my life and myself

i think i am losing my mind. this has been a terrible week. I hate my life. I think i might have a small bald spot because i keep pulling my hair out. i think it's just nervous energy. sometimes i feel like i am going to lose all my hair. I dont feel healthy. i am depressed and unmotivated. I had my period this week and i think it's the reason why i feel so bad. But i just feel like i have no self-control. i am not making my time i am not doing my personal study. i had a terrible week at work. i feel like a complete waste of a life. i feel like i am just going thru the motions when it comes to the truth. i have no goals my room isnt clean and i am tired. i will never get married. guys don't know i exist. i hate most of my clothes. my skin is bad. sometimes i feel like i am a complete fake.

Don't do it!

So my friend Whitney has a major crush on this Russian guy and he is totally into her. So i havent heard for sure but i think they are probably have decided to start dating.How do i feel about the whole thing? Well let's see...jealous (a little), apathetic,and a little sad because what if this works out and she ends up getting married, of course she would be happy, but all i can think of is the fact that she's only 21 and there are so many things she could be doing besides getting married. On the other hand, it probably wont lead to marriage because she will discover something about him she doesnt like. He seems like an alright guy though. I have a feeling we wont be hanging out as much now.I hope she doesn't want to invite him to everything we do also. He is kind of a bore to me.We shall see.

Bridging the gap!

So Chermelle and i have decided to plan a social calender. So the first thing we planned is to have a sunday dinner at the end of the month and we are going to invite two older couples. Since the older ones and the younger ones don't really hang out,we thought why not bridge the gap. So we are both looking forward to it. We decided to do it Jan. 31st but today i saw a commercial that said the Grammy's are coming on that night. So forget this whole association crap, i want to see Beyonce!

I am in high school!

So this girl in my hall named lanea had a party over the weekend and a bunch of people in my hall went. It was a prom party so you could either dress up nicely or dress really bad kind of an 80's prom actually. So i must admit i was a little bummed that i wasnt invited but i guess i really shouldnt have expected to be because i dont really talk to her very much. I am nice to her but i just dont end up talking to her much.But today i saw a friends pictures from the party and i thought ok i really don't mind the fact that i missed out on the party.It looked fun but judging by the people that were there i didnt think,"oh man i wish i could have gone!" It's just weird that i am 31 years old and i still want to be included in everything or at least invited to everything.It doesnt necessarily mean i want to go to everything but i want to have the power to decide whether i go or not. It's just kind of ridiculous. I think their are clicks in my hall, and in a way, i kind of feel like i am back in high school. I just want to be accepted by everyone even though i am not really keen on being friends with everyone.

I have got to do better!

So this year i am going to try to write more. I was so into my blog when i was in Mississippi but now that i am in nyc i am never in the mood to write.So from here on out i am going to try to write every week.

Adventures in the Dominican Republic

So it is day 2 in the Dominican Republic! Today i woke up at about 10:00 we were in the town of Jarabacoa. We stayed with a sister named Nicole who was house sitting for a couple.THe house was really nice it had three bedrooms and two bathrooms.So we got up and went to the town it's a nice mix of griminess and beauty. we went to eat at a restaurant where they served mangoo(which was smashed green boiled plantains) a great potato salad( russa), roasted chicken and eggplant and a papaya milkshake. It was so good. THen we looked around the town and then drove back home took a nap and then got ready for the meeting.

Yesterday was the best day because we met up with nicole and then we went hiking in Jarabacoa to see this amazing waterfall which they used in the movie Jurassic Park.The beginning of the hike was so steep and i had a rough time starting out but then the ground kind of leveled out and it was a it easier. the waterfalls were beautiful and the water was really cold. But it was great! so after the hike we went back to nicoles place and took showers and talked and ate. Roscio made hot chocolate from scratch. Which was also great. Oh yeah when we were at the beach there was another group of people there and they were grilling up some food. So the lady walks over and offers us some pork and rice and beans. That pork was delicious.

Tomorrow is service in the field and hopefully we can go to the beach!