DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

So, i probably should be sleeping right now because for the past few days i have been staying up late, and every morning i think, "I need to get to bed at a decent time!" So what do i do the next night? Go to bed late. A few weeks ago during a shepherding call, one of the brothers told me that," I AM AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED!"(loud echo, audience gasps) He based that on a conversation in which i asked him to please not kill me, because i needed to cancel our previously arranged shepherding call. But i have thought about that for the past couple of weeks and i think it's true. I AM AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED!(audience starts to gasp again,but then just loses interest) I have been trying to figure out what that's all about. I think it's probably a mixture of:

2 cups Upbringing
3 cups Insecurity
1 cup of pure Retardation

Mix ingredients together. Let it bake for 30 years. And you've got your self a piping hot bowl of SOCIAL ANXIETY. DELICIOUS!
no. of servings 1

i have to work this out. (to be continued)

Pilates

Yesterday i went to the pilates class. I enjoyed it although it's a bit hard to watch the instructor and focus on what you are doing at the same time. You have to focus on breathing a lot also . I found myself breathing in when she said to breath out and vice versa. By the end of it i did feel more relaxed and i think it's really good for my back. I just wanted to laugh the whole time.

Music

I don't know if i have mentioned this but at the moment i really like the Reconteurs. I wish i would have gone to their show a couple of months ago. I also really like Kings of Leon for the moment. I also am listening to Elliot Smith. When i listen to his music it's like a mixture of sadness, numbness, rain, Seattle, but at the same time i really enjoy it. I love music, probably more than i should, but it's just an amazing thing. I remember the first time i heard Jeff Buckley, i was just blown away! That was the soundtrack to my London trip with Pats! This might sound crazy, but there are certain songs that i just can't listen to a lot, because i want to hold on to the feeling that i had when i first heard it. I remember where i was when i heard that Kurt Cobain had died. Whenever i think of Weezer, i think of riding in Debi's old BMW with the sunroof open looking up at the stars. I remember being at Wal-Mart and discussing the meaning of "Fake Plastic Trees" with Debi. I will be a Radiohead fan forever. That Radiohead show was just so unbelievable! I can associate so many good times that i've had with a certain song or band. I have a soundtrack to my life.

bored, bored, bored!

I hate being at work when i don't have to see patients. I just hate doing busywork. I don't do well when i have time on my hands with nothing in particular to actually do, i will waste every second. This afternoon i think i am going to join debi and do a pilates class. I wish i could take a regular pilates class, i need to strenghthen this core of mine! I have got to pay off my credit card STAT! I hate debt.It shouldn't take that long, i just have to buckle down and put every extra dime i have on my credit card. I decided not to go to california for a wedding because i need to take care of my credit card. I wouldn't consider myself particularly good at anything but i am good with my finances. I am pretty responsible when it comes to that area of my life. So i guess i am proud of myself in that way and i am good at saving money. It's nice that the sun is shining today.

Goals

Since i met my goal of running for 2 miles, it's time to set a new goal. So the new goal is to be a vegetarian for a month. Debi came up with this one and the previous one, actually( why am i always so accepting of these challenges?) I think the first 2 days will be easy but after that it might get a little harder. I am totally commited, so no matter how hard it gets i am sticking to it! I think these challenges are good because when you reach the goal, you just feel so great about yourself! Next goal - Get a personality!

What are you talking about?

Yesterday, I was talking to one of the girls up front about how i wanted to take some time off but i wasn't sure if the boss was going to let me. So the front desk girl says, "Well, you know their is only one person around here who can come and go as they please and you know who that is?" So i go,"MmmmHmmm!" I had no idea who she was talking about. So then she kept going on about this "mystery person" while i am trying to figure out who she's talking about. I can't ask her who she's talking about because then i will look like an idiot. So i just keep nodding, and throwing in a couple of meaningless phrases.Totally oblivious as to who we were talking about.

Barack Obama, what are you doing?

Last night i dreamed that i was at Barack Obama's house. I was just laid out on the sofa watching television. His youngest daughter was there along with her grandmother. I looked out the window and i could see the ocean, there was a glass wall that separated the house and the ocean. So Barack comes in the house and i try to hide from him. Then he goes outside with his daughter. The yard is filled with leaves and he starts looking for something on the ground. So i say what are you doing Barack? He says i am going to build a snow globe and i am going to put some pearl shavings in it. Why pearl shavings? I have no idea! That was my dream, it didn't really make any sense but whatever. I just wish i could have kissed him or something, after all, he is a good-looking guy!